


The Way That We Are

by will (pointedperception)



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s01e08 Fromage, FTM Will, Fluff and Smut, Front Hole Sex, M/M, Oral Sex, Scars, Trans Male Character, Trans Will Graham
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-20
Updated: 2014-08-20
Packaged: 2018-02-13 23:26:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2169294
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pointedperception/pseuds/will
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alternate set of events during Fromage. Will is trans, which is why Alana rejects him. Hannibal is there for him to offer support, acceptance, and understanding. Angsty smut with some fluff sprinkled on top.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Way That We Are

_“The way I am isn’t compatible with the way that you are._ ”

The words stuck into Will’s mind like thousands of tiny burrs, impossible to shake off. 

“I kissed Alana Bloom,” he sputtered, shedding his coat and tossing it onto a chair in Hannibal’s foyer. Hannibal gaped at Will, who rushed into the kitchen, trying to get away from his own thoughts as quickly as possible.

“Well, come in.” 

Will noticed the table set in the dining room, the food half-eaten on the plates. He hadn’t even thought about possibly interrupting Hannibal, who said something about his colleague and dessert for two; Will’s mind was too cluttered to hear him clearly at the moment. He blindly followed Hannibal into the kitchen, walking slowly to calm himself down.

“Tell me, what was Alana’s reaction?”

“She said she wouldn’t be good for me, and I wouldn’t be good for her.” It was a fair statement; an easy let down.

 

_“…with the way that you are.”_

 

“I don’t disagree. She would feel an obligation to observe you, and you would resent her for it.” 

“I know. ” _For more reasons than one._

“I’m wondering then why you kissed her, and felt compelled to drive two hours in the snow to tell me about it.” 

“Well, I wanted to kiss her since I met her. She’s very kissable,” Will stated, ignoring the latter part of Hannibal’s statement. He didn’t want to add that to the tornado of thoughts in his head right now. Driving to Hannibal’s was an instinct; a motion memory response, and what that meant frightened him. Maybe more so than the realization of rejection based on something he couldn't control. 

“You waited a long time, which suggests you were kissing her for a reason, in addition to wanting to.” 

_Because I wanted to; I wanted to believe that she could look past that part of me and want me how I wanted her. I wanted it so badly that I believed it could happen, for just that moment._

“I felt unstable.”

“A clutch for balance.” His lips twitched at the corners. “Or was that why you came to see me?”

Will laughed nervously, focusing on the dessert Hannibal was making. Normally it would look delicious, but right now it was making him nauseous. Hannibal handed him a plate, trying to make eye contact that Will rejected. Will took it cautiously, forcing himself to eat a small bite to stall time. 

“Perhaps you thought she wouldn’t care about your gender, or maybe you just hoped she wouldn’t,” Hannibal verbalized, uncovering the looming elephant in the room. 

“It was stupid. A lack of judgment. I wasn’t thinking clearly.” 

“Ambiguity is opposite to clarity, not stupidity. You are a person who lives with a great deal of doubt, are you not?”

“How could I not have doubt? About everything; my job, my life, my body, my mind, my existence — not to mention everyone around me.” Will stabbed at the pastry as a way to fidget. It didn’t help much. Hannibal set down his own plate, moving closer to Will. 

‘You know Will, when you first disclosed to me that you were transgender, I didn’t think much of it. I commended you for your strength through your coming out and transition, as well as losing the support of your father. I never once doubted you, your gender identity, or your choice to transition. Your gender is a part of you, but it does not define you. You possess a strong mind capable of many things; things you may not even realize yet. Doubting ourselves is a healthy process, but is also part of a larger process of self-realization.” 

Will was silent for a minute, letting Hannibal’s words simmer. 

“I’m not sure I even know who I am anymore.”

“Who would you like to be?”

Will suddenly started laughing, perhaps from the absurdity of Hannibal’s question, or the simplicity of it, he couldn’t decide. Either way, it broke the mood. “Where were you when I was 14? That could’ve saved me years of confusion.” 

Hannibal smiled at him, taking off his suit jacket and folding it neatly on the kitchen chair. He turned the conversation back to Will. “You mustn’t take Alana’s rejection so personally, Will. I’m not sure her response would’ve been any different if you weren’t transgender.”

His lips turned back to a frown. “She said that the way I am isn’t compatible with the way that she is. I’m not sure you can get any less subtle than that.”

“And you took it to mean that she was referring to your gender?”

“Well, yeah. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve gotten that response.”

“Have you considered that you also possess a quiet off-putting personality that most people would not find compatible?” 

“Are you saying I have a shit personality, Dr. Lecter?” Will narrowed his eyes, not sure whether that was a joke or he should be insulted. Maybe both, even though Hannibal did have a point; he had dogs instead of friends for a reason.

“Not at all,” he chuckled. “I consider you to be a very interesting individual, both psychologically and personally. I, for one, enjoy your company immensely,” Hannibal admitted. 

“I wouldn’t say you have a conventional personality either, Dr. Lecter.”

“Perhaps that’s why we get along,” he chimed, now hovering over Will, who was forced to make eye contact with him. “Why did you come to me immediately after this happened, Will? It could have been quite dangerous driving I-95 in this snow.”

Will swallowed the air. “It wasn’t really sticking to the road yet.” Hannibal bit his lip in disapproval, so Will tried again. “I don’t know. I didn’t even think about it. You’re my therapist; you said it yourself that you were my paddle.” 

“As I am happy to be, if that is what you need.”

“I don’t want to need you. Or anyone, for that matter.”

“I’m not saying you should,” he clarified, resting a hand on Will’s shoulder, “but sometimes having someone to talk to - a friend - is therapeutic. It’s human nature to seek company from those who can understand us.” 

He turned to face Hannibal, his rich, heavy cologne filling his nasal passages. “I’ve never met anyone who could truly understand me.”

“You want someone who can see inside of your mind just like how you see inside of others’ minds.”

“You can do that,” Will said, though it almost sounded like a question. 

The older man’s hand fell to rest on Will’s bicep. “Does it scare you, to finally find someone like you?”

“Yes,” he whimpered, tasting salt in the back of his mouth. “I have parts of my mind I don’t want you to see. And parts of you that I can’t see, no matter how hard I try.”

“Would you like to?” It was halfway between a purr and a growl, and it was just then that Will realized how close they had become; one of Hannibal’s hands was brushing his neck, the other holding his forearm. He may have dismissed Hannibal at first, but there was something about him that Will was inexplicably and irrevocably attracted to, though he had never admitted it before. A deep flush seeped into Will’s skin, turning it pink. His pulse increased, artery bobbing against Hannibal’s thumb, which pressed harder into his neck in response. When he closed his eyes, he felt a comforting, warm pressure wash over him. He reached up, running his fingers into Hannibal’s smooth, surprisingly soft hair, their lips gliding together. Unlike before with Alana, Hannibal didn’t pull away or stop. He wanted this. He wanted _him_. 

Hannibal backed him up against the counter, one hand still tangled in his curls and the other pushing up his henley. He broke their mouths apart briefly. “Is this okay?”

“Yeah, no, it’s good,” Will panted, shrugging off his vest. “I mean, my chest isn’t too sensitive after the surgery, but it’s still good.”

Warm fingers lightly traced the contour of his scars, pushing his shirt up to his collarbone as wet lips roughy kissed his neck. Will bit back a moan, back arching into Hannibal’s touch, legs wrapping around his waist. 

“Good thing you’re quite sensitive elsewhere,” he mumbled against his throat, nipping lightly. Will felt himself getting hard and wet, suddenly reminded how long it had been since he had actually been with someone. If Hannibal kept kissing him like this, he wasn’t sure how long he could go without being touched.

“Will.”

“Hm?” 

“We should probably move elsewhere if you want to… go any further than this. Which is fine if you don’t.” 

Will hopped down from the counter, slightly lightheaded from the blood rush and the prospect of what Hannibal was proposing. He nodded rapidly, not wanting anything to end yet, following as Hannibal led him upstairs to his bedroom. Hannibal shut the door behind them, quickly removing his waistcoat and shirt. Will tossed his henley on the floor, pausing after he took off his pants, left only in his boxers. 

Hannibal noted his discomfort, gently brushing his hair from his face. “Will, if you don’t want to do this, we —“

“No, I want to. I just - I haven’t been with anyone in years. I’ve only been with a man once, and it was before… all of this,” he gestured towards his body, implying his transition, “so this is new to me.”

Hannibal smiled, kissing him softly. “I understand. We can take this slowly; slower than this, if you like. I care about you, Will; I only want to do what you want.” It pinged against a part of Will deep inside of him; a place no one had been able to reach before. He dared not call it love - not this soon - but it sure did feel like it. Despite the sentiment, however, he wanted more and wanted more right now. They had waited this long already, hadn’t they? 

“I want you,” he said, wrapping his arms around Hannibal’s neck as he was pushed to the bed, resuming their kissing. “I want you to fuck me.”

There was a sharp breath in his ear, not unlike a snarl from one of his dogs. When Hannibal’s eyes locked with Will’s, they were red with lust; his hands became stronger, roughly moving down Will’s body, his nails leaving light trails behind them as proof. He kissed down Will’s sternum, running his tongue across the scar on his abdomen, feeling Will shiver underneath him as he tugged at the waistband of his boxers with his teeth. A whine signaled Hannibal to slide them down his legs, allowing Will to kick them off as gracefully as he could. He took Will’s cock into his mouth, sucking gently and teasing him with his tongue. 

“G-God, Hannibal!” Will exclaimed, eyes wide with pleasure he hadn’t felt in far too long. Hannibal hummed around his dick, looking rather pleased with himself in more ways than one; his cock was straining against his own boxers already, just from pleasuring and touching Will. Will frantically tried to move his hips so Hannibal’s tongue pressed in _just_ the right places, but Hannibal moved a hand from Will’s thigh to press his hips down into the mattress.

“So eager, are we?” he smirked, bringing himself back up to kiss Will on the mouth. His accent dripped off of his voice, driving Will even more mad. He exhaled a wispy agreement, to which he was rewarded with Hannibal’s fingers toying at his entrance. 

“I’m wet enough already, you don’t have to - ah! - do anything.” Hannibal raised an eyebrow, but complied, stripping the rest of his clothes off and reaching for a condom in the nightstand.

“If you’re sure.”

“Wait, Hannibal, you don’t need that,” Will stated, pushing his hand away, “I - I had a hysterectomy, I can’t get pregnant. And I’m clean, unless you’re not.”

“I am. Are you sure? I don’t mind.”

Will nodded profusely, blush deepening on his cheeks. “I want - I want to be as close to you as possible. I’m sure.” Hannibal had already collapsed the barriers in his mind, and part of him believed he could break down the walls in Hannibal’s mind through physical contact. He wanted to give over everything he had to him. He tried to convey that to Hannibal with his eyes rather than words and surprisingly, Hannibal seemed to understand. 

Hannibal pressed his cock against Will’s hole, savoring the hot pressure and Will’s beautiful whines before pushing in, halfway at first, then all the way in. He repeated that a few times, making sure Will wasn’t in pain, and to get used to the tightness himself. Nails and teeth dug into his skin as he continued to thrust to the rhythm of Will’s half-breaths and suppressed moans. He let go of Hannibal for long enough for him to see Will’s bangs sticking to his forehead with sweat, his heavy-lidded blue eyes contrasting with his swollen little pink lips that were mouthing _Hannibal_ over and over, looking more like a dreamy post-impressionist painting than a reality. He held the image in his mind, storing it away.

“You are exquisite,” he purred, stroking Will’s cock in tandem with his thrusts. Will’s moans became more sporadic with the added sensation. His breaths were frantic; he rocked his hips against Hannibal’s vigorously, trying to get as much of him as he could. A bite to the junction of his neck and shoulder followed by a hard suck pushed Will over the edge; his muscles contracted around Hannibal’s cock, legs gripping his sides, his lips parted in a loud moan. 

“Come inside me,” he whispered in Hannibal’s ear, and with a few more thrusts, Hannibal obeyed. He pulled out, collapsing beside Will, their breathing filling the silence of the room. After they caught their breaths, Hannibal turned to face the other man, tucking his slightly damp curls behind his ear and leaning in to place a soft kiss against his lips. 

“To think that’s all it took,” Will smiled, lazily kissing back. 

“Well, I’ve wanted to kiss you since I met you. You’re very kissable, Will,” Hannibal chimed. He wrapped his arm around Will’s side, drawing him closer. 

“You stole that line from me.”

“It’s true.” 

Will blushed again, which was silly considering that they had just had sex, but this was the part of Hannibal that he was so drawn to. “You know - I was afraid that you would see me differently, after this. Even though you said it didn’t matter.”

“How you have sex doesn’t make you any more or less of a man, and it certainly doesn’t change my perception of you,” Hannibal replied. His smile dropped and he looked down, concerned. “I do worry, though, that when you are able to see all of me, it may make your perception of me different.”

“Maybe,” Will responded, running his tongue over his lips. “But it won’t change the feelings I have about you.” Nothing could change that; not even if Hannibal was as bad as the murderers he analyzed every day. Hannibal loved him unconditionally and whole-heartedly; Will couldn’t ask for anything more than that. He didn’t realize he was laughing until Hannibal made a questioning face.  “I was thinking, that just when I thought I could never find someone who I would be compatible with, I met you.”

“Not many people are compatible with the way that we are.”

**Author's Note:**

> The first part of the dialogue is all directly from Fromage. It fits surprisingly (suspiciously?) well with Will being trans.
> 
> I've been wanting to write fics for my FTM Will headcanons for a while, but after seeing some of the other amazing ones I was worried I wouldn't do them justice. I didn't mean for this to be porn initially but things happen, and really, there's a lack of porn with trans guys in it.
> 
> Also, Alana is not intended to be transphobic. She just has preferences, and maybe could've worded things better.


End file.
